As my due date creeps up on me just three weeks away, I can't help but wonder how things are going to be after there's a baby around. I found out a few days ago that for some unknown reason the back of my right eye is actively bleeding, which is causing me to have vision issues. At this point i'm really just hoping I don't lose my sight in that eye all together.
Pregnancy has by far been one of the scariest, craziest and possibly worst experiences of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love that it happened and there isn't a word to describe how much i'm going to love my baby. I really just feel like he kind of hates me right now haha, The first trimester was nothing but morning sickness and sleeping, There was not a single food or drink that would stay down, and there was no such thing as energy anymore, I think I lost about 15 pounds.
The second trimester wasn't any better, the sickness never went away but I was able to actually eat and stay awake through out the day. Then the anxiety kicked in. Gaining weight was the worst thing I had to come into reality with. There were days I would just look in the mirror and cry for hours. I cried over everything, I sat and thought myself into such dark places every time I was alone and just cry for no reason whats so ever. Sometimes it would start from the time I woke up and did not end until the time I went to sleep at night. I'd go days without eating, depression was hitting me hard.
The third trimester hasn't gone much better, instead of crying now i've gone back to being sick and sleeping. At this very second i'm in the "GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW" stage of pregnancy. There's so much going on and not enough time or energy in the day to do it. My baby shower is in three days so hopefully all goes well there. Then from then on its just count down to baby. I don't remember if I mentioned or not but i'm having a boy! A stubborn boy at that.
Recovery is still a huge thing on my mind right now. Which is one of the reasons i'm so terrified, I want to say there wont be another relapse, I really do. There isn't really a way to tell whats going to happen in the future,I guess we will wait and see.
Hope it all goes well (: Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteThank you for having a blast at that pro-ana site...I was trawling to do the same thing! Dealing with my eating disorder was a night-mare during my pregnancy. I met my hubby when I was severely ED, but I quit for him and we got pregnant with my daughter...but when I stopped breast-feeding at 2 years I found myself falling back into the same old pattern. BE CAREFUL! I thought "loose a bit of baby weight" and ended up in hospital for 8 months with a tube down my nose into my stomach, missing out on my daughter's life (and mine). Don't lose your child's life...let alone your own! I hope my Aussie tone doesn't mis-translate!
ReplyDeleteHi there! I havent written for a while. I learned the hard way how bad relapse is after having a baby, my metabolism was so bad i gained about 70 pounds, then shortly after giving birth i relapsed and lost 100 pounds in 5 months. Doing better now though, at a happy medium. No longer over or under weight. My baby will be 1 on February 21st, i need to get back into writing again. I probably will here soon! Thanks for the support!!
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